Current Location: Midland, Michigan, USA / 43°37′25.0″N 84°13′45.7″W
You know life sucks when:
You go for your first hair cut in two months and all of a sudden the stylist stops cutting, stands behind you in a statue like posture and stares directly at you thru the mirror--and within that very moment as you connect eye to eye via reflective glass, you just know your whole world is going to change.
She asks: "Do you have lice?"
You say: "Psshhh....Not since third grade, lady!"
She says: "Well guess what, you've got lice!"
You say: "@#$!"
Everyone In The Salon Says: "ooooooohhhhh"
You know you've gone away for far too long when:
You drive up to a McDonald's drive thru window to pay for your order and instead of handing over a $10 bill, you accidentally give the teeny-bopper at the window a single $100,000 Indonesian Rupia.
She says: "Sir, we don't accept Monopoly money..."
You say: "What the heck, kid...take the damn cash and give me my change!"
You know you're being profiled when:
Your co-workers avoid being around you--as if you came back with the Ebola virus.
They say: "So, Ron...what did you come back with this time?"
You say: "Why...what do you mean?"
They say: "Oh, you know...like how are you feeling? Any signs of deadly diseases?"
You say: "Hmmm, just the sneezy, itchy, runny nose, and I can't sleep because I'm coughing too much kinda thing!"
(It's ten times worse after this whole lice thing)
You know you're in trouble when:
You tell your doctor you've been having some upset stomach conditions and you tell him where you just came from.
He says: "Did you drink the water there? Did you eat the local food?
You say: "Of course I did! What kind of question is that, doc?"
He says: "Well, you might have a worm or some kind of bacteria living in your stomach"
You say: "A worm? Coool...!!"
He says: "I want you to go take a stool sample for me"
You say: "Go to the furniture store?"
He says: "No, you dumb lens slinging twit...I mean take a shit for me!"
You say: "What the F...you want me to shit in a plastic container for you? @#$%"