Thursday, January 29, 2009

Sleepless Nights

Current Location: Midland, Michigan, USA / 43°37′25.0″N 84°13′45.7″W

It’s a nightmare I’ve had many times—a particularly frustrating episode that’s more distorted memory than random delusions. Moments of confusion and fear flood my nocturnal dreams. In one incident, I'm lost, stuck on a mountain, alone and cold, shivering to my death. In another, I'm shooting a war; bullets graze my head as people fall to the ground around me. And unlike the movies, there are no slow-motion falls, no crying out the names of their loved ones. People are hurt, and they die.

I hate having these dreams. I hate waking up in the middle of the night wondering where I'm at, listening for the echo of a bullet slicing through the air. And as my eyes adjust to the darkness of my room, my hands search my body, looking for blood, feeling if I'm hit. It's a haunting scenario that evades my wandering soul.

I hope I sleep better tonight...


The Demigoddess said...

Oh,you poor thing..I can't imagine just how haunting those dreams are..My nightmares do not have any basis in truth or previous experience--mostly about monsters and vampires--so they are not as scary. To have seen all that bloodshed and pain and be haunted at night....I would take sleeping pills..but that's me.

Indrayani aka, Indi! said...

thats sounds like an intense dream..
I have nitemares too..but there arent any fixed ones...

Well..hope u sleep better!! :)

floreta said...

you're a wonderful writer! i hope you sleep better, too.

Young Traveler said...

The price you pay for your art is steep. I'm glad that it is only a dream and if there are bullets grazing by you in Midland, it is probably just some crazy redneck hunter.

I hope you stay safe while you are on assignment.

Hillbilly Duhn said...

I just read a book about war, and the randomness of life afterwards. The haunting dreams and death that follow one throughout life.

I've wondered if I could do what the person in the book did, and often reading your blog, I wonder the same thing.

Your life, be it so simple, really it's not. I envy you, as I've previously said, but when the reality of it sets in, I do not. I don't think people think about how something like taking photo's in war zones, etc. effect a person mentally.

I wish you better sleep my friend.

DUTA said...

Sleep is too important to let it be haunted by nightnares...

Cheryl said...

Is everything okay?

Bon Don said...

I must send you a dream catcher.

*Bon Don*

John said...

I haven't had any nightmares for ages... But I shouldn't envy you... coz as Duta put it perfectly... SLEEP IS TOO IMPORTANT to be disturbed by stupid nightmares.

Have you tried any sleep therapy? Let me know if you need help. My wife-to-be is going to subspecialize in sleep disorders in her neurology training.

Take care, friend.

Jay said...

Don't you hate those nights? Those nights where you wake up in a sweat, in sheer panic --- not really sure of where you are, or whether or not your thoughts had decieved you?

I do. I have had a terrible dream about once a month since i was 8 years old. Some nights I lay in bed afraid to go to sleep b/c I know that it's been a while since I had it last and I would rather have a miserable, sleepless day -- than a night filled with those images.

good luck to you. If I had any advice on how to get rid of them, i would share it.

Sara said...

Ugh. That sounds pretty crazy. After 9/11 I used to have intense dreams like that. Do you think anything is triggering the dreams?

Hillbilly Duhn said...

stopping back in to throw you an award: Catch it!

Ron said...

Demigoddess: Sleeping pills are horrible, they make me so drowsy in the morning. I try not to use them.

Indy: Thanks, but lately, I've been sleeping on and off.

Floreta: Thanks for reading, you're an awesome writer yourself. I have to get over to your blog soon.

Young Traveler: There sure are a lot of rednecks where I live...I remember when I first moved to Midland/Sanford, I'd hear guns firing at night...I'd hit the ground on my 2nd floor apartment LOL.

Hilly Billy: (Notice I call you Hilly Billy? hahah). Thank you so much for following my blog and always commenting, you don't know how much that means to me.

Duta: You're right, sleep is way too important, I try so hard to not let nightmares and dreams bother me, but its hard.

Cheryl: Yup, everything is A OK. Thanks :) Don't do drugs!

Bon Don: You're just AWESOME!

John: I might have to take you up on that sleep therapy whenever I meet your wife to be. Looking forward to it. Hey, I'll email you my Malaysia schedule soon.

Jay: Wow, you've had that problem since you were 8? That must be really tough. I've had it for almost 5 years now.

Sara: I think its' triggered by stress. Or whenever I'm about to leave for an assignment, my mind constantly thinks of what I've shot and I try to envision myself back in the field ...its a way to mentally prepare myself. So I'm sure its caused by that.

Hilly Billy: An Award? Aww shucks, you shouldn't have! Thank you!!!!

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