Emotions That Make Me Human

Photo by: Lyndsie Post/Adolfo seeing video for the first time/Honduras
Current Location: Windsor, Ontario, Canada/ 42°19′60.0″N 83°1′60″W

It's easy to look thru glass, to see a filtered world and capture its beauty--a mosaic of culture and pixels coming together to document time. It's not hard at all. But what does make my job so daunting sometimes is finding the right balance--a balance between what's morally right and wrong, east and west, developed and developing--a constant juggling of two worlds colliding at the temple of my soul.

As a photographer, it's hard to be true to the lens, especially when documenting the developing world. A constant barrage of pressure builds upon your success to bring back images that speak to a global audience, images of need and desperation.

So as I sit here tonight, on the the eve of 2009, I reflect not upon what I've done or where I've been, but what I've missed.

Sometimes, when I'm at my best, film speed, frame rate, exposure, and sound dictate my every move. Like a hunter on the prowl, I look for my prey--images that tell the story of a people--a constant stream of light that's willing to dance at the vortex of my lens. And like a selfish bastard, I capture everything I can--savoring every ray of light 'til the sun sinks deep into the ground. Shoot now. Think and feel later.

When you're conditioned to do what I do, sometimes, you have no shame.

But when the moon begins to cast your own shadow on the wall and you're all alone at night, you begin to feel the emotions run through your body like a lost soul. Images of the people you've captured play back in the memory banks of your mind--forever real, forever yours. They're no longer just rays of light.

I can't begin to count the number of times I've cried alone in my hotel room. I can't even remember how I fell asleep some nights. And sometimes, during the long plane ride back, I'd sit there in silence--trying to recall everything I've missed: the emotions that make me human.

So as I sit here tonight, hours before I venture into the abyss of the new year, I reflect upon the triumphs and tragedies of our world, but also, to better myself at what I do, I can't go without reflecting on the trials and tribulations of this lowly photographer--trying desperately to capture that perfect image, of an imperfect society.

Happy new year and God bless.

-Ron

Blogger note: This post was written on 12/31, but was completed and modified on 01/01.