Current Location: Jakarta, Indonesia 6°12′45.61″S - 106°52′23.74″E
I have to admit: having seen so much of the world has made me less intrigued by the suffering that I so desperately try to capture. Being in a third world country is beginning to feel natural. The people I meet, the images I capture and the plight I witness are all starting to look the same--a constant recycling of events from one country to another—and I think, because of that, I’m no longer emotionally touched as I once was. Lately, I’ve been debating whether my desensitization of the world I see is normal, whether that feeling I feel is right or wrong. It’s a battle that rages in my heart, erodes my soul and wakes me in the midst of a midnight dream.
Sometimes, when I’m awake, I lay there in bed, playing back in my mind the images I’ve captured. A close up of a hand in prayer, the smile of an elder, or the smirk of a lonely child peeking out the window all play back in slow motion replays—and sometimes I can even hear them, recall their words and remember the ambiance of the moment. And most times, I just lay there and smile.
I smile. I laugh to myself and I feel joy knowing that some how, I’ve managed to capture more than what is already evident. In the developing world, it’s easy to see suffering, to see poverty and despair—it can rip through your heart within seconds, tear away at the very fabric of your soul. The hardest part is to look beyond that--to see love and life and happiness and laughter.
But just before I close my eyes again, the image of their suffering hasn’t even flickered in my mind. But to be honest, I hope it never does. Desensitized, I know. I like being at peace.
There’s so much beauty here that it out weighs everything else.